If I Was
by Alicia Blade
Summary: Something is bothering Usagi, so Motoki invites her to join him, Reika, and Mamoru for a New Year's Celebration. Can Mamoru cheer her up in time to bring in the New Year, and the new Millennium? One shot.


If I Was  
Alicia Blade

December 2004 ANs: 

This song was originally written for New Year's 2000, as will become obvious as you read. 

A HUGE change I made in the revision: Mamoru originally sang Limp Bizkit's "Faith." Looking back, I felt like that totally did not fit the feeling of the story, or Mamoru's personality, so it's very different now. Hope you like the new choice! 

All disclaimers apply. 

Happy 2005, minna! 

..........

Original ANs: 

The title makes no sense. I took it from a poem that I wrote. This takes place, like, today (saying you're reading this when I post it) so enjoy! 

Japanese terminology: 

Usagi - bunny  
Usako - little bunny  
Gomen (ne) - Sorry  
Gomen nasai - very sorry  
Odango atama - dumpling head  
(Domo) Arigatou - thank you  
Mamoru - protector  
Onii - brother (Usagi refers to Motoki as "Motoki-Onii-san" (Motoki- big-brother) in the Japanese anime.)  
Onegai - please  
Konnichi'(wa) - good afternoon/hello  
Konban'(wa) - good evening  
Demo - but  
Baka - stupid/idiot/fool  
Hai - yes  
Iie - no  
Aishiteru - I Love You

"For this is the message that ye herd from the beginning, that we should love one another."  
I John 3:11 

If I Was  
Alicia Blade

**Mamoru**

The familiar jolt against my shoulder pried my eyes up from the sidewalk to catch onto a sliver of gold at my side. Blue gaze widening, I listened to a soft, barely audible "Gomen…" in the tinge of a whisper. Turning, I saw the small girl, two odangos on top of her head, continue walking directly through the crowded sidewalk of Tokyo. 

"Huh?" I muttered, watching the pale pink outfit blur with the other winter colors as people jostled back and forth around the streets, talking with friends and returning unwanted Christmas gifts. "Odango?"

"Hey, Usagi-chan!" came a deep call, followed by the jingling of bells. I looked up to see Motoki scanning the crowd in the direction the saddened girl had gone. In his hand he held a lavender spiral notebook, black and white newspaper clippings dangling from between the pages.

"Motoki-kun?"

"Huh? Oh, Mamoru! Did you see Usagi?"

"Yeah, she just went that way, looking awfully depressed. Did something happen to her?" Motoki watched me carefully for a minute, before shrugging and looking down at the notebook.

"I don't know. She's been like that for a couple days now. Ever since Christmas, actually. I've never seen her like this, not even after one of your squabbles has she looked so sad."

I frowned, wondering sourly why he had to use that example.

"But, anyway, she left this here. It seems like notes for a report of some kind. I thought she might need it." My eyes dance to the papers before quickly raising to his concerned brown gaze and I shrug nonchalantly.

"Honestly, can you see the Odango doing work over the holidays? They're probably just daydreams or love letters or something." Ironically, my heart suddenly leapt to my chest and I contemplated how hard it would be to get that notebook from his grasp. Shaking my head, I followed Motoki as he turned and walked back into the much warmer arcade. Sighing, I took off the brown leather gloves I wore, tossing them onto the counter as I waited for my best friend's blonde head to appear in front of me with my usual; plain black coffee.

It took longer than I had expected, as he attended to other customers, the ones who actually paid, before giving me my drink to warm my dry throat. I saw the purple binder slide casually across the table to me; probably so that he wouldn't forget about it later.

"So…" he said, eventually taking a short break. "Still on for tomorrow?"

"You mean the clubbing? Sure, I guess. I want to get a little bit of fun mixed into my life in case the world does end with Y2K," I joked. He only smiled, flipping through pages of the book as I watched on. "Good, I was hoping you wouldn't back out like, let's see, every other time."

I shrugged carelessly at his wry comments. "Not this time, bud. I'd better have fun though, or I will be mildly disappointed in you." He ignored me, his brow suddenly creasing deeply.

"Hey, look at this!" he quickly changed the subject, swiveling the book so that I could clearly read the pages. "It's all info on the upcoming New Year; predictions, myths, stuff about Y2K… Why would Usagi-chan be interested in stuff like this?"

I frowned, reaching for a small article. My eyes skimmed over it, speculating on the contents: "Y2K Bug: Is Your Home Safe?" 

"Doesn't much seem like something she'd be absorbed in."

"Yeah… like I said, though, maybe it's for a report."

"Hm… I guess…" With a downward curve on my lips, I dragged my hand through my hair, downing the last bit of my caffeine buzz. "Well, anyway, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. I've got some last minute grocery shopping to do."

"Preparing for the end of the world?" he laughed. I only shook my head, ignoring the growing smile on my face. Slipping on my gloves, I froze when Andrew called my name. Turning, I saw him closing the book, carefully tucking in the misplaced newspaper clippings. "Hey, do you think you could maybe give this to Usagi if you see her? You're more likely to run into her than I am."

I stare at it speculatively, before walking back to the counter and pulling it into my arms. "Sure thing, if I see her."

"I have a feeling you will. And come and give me all the details like every other day."

I narrow my eyes warningly, watching him laugh at my demise. Again, I ask, WHY did I tell him I have feelings for the girl?

Wrapping my coat closer to my body, I trudged out into another snow-less winter afternoon.

...........

Sooner than I had thought I would, though much later than I had hoped, I did see a familiar middle school student sitting on a wooden bench within the park, quietly and calm. Her position, at the end of the bench, welcomed someone to join her, and yet she sat slumped over, willing everyone to keep their distance. Instead of life and zeal echoing from her very skin, the air around her seemed drenched with sadness: the very state of being lonely.

I pursed my lips tightly, clenching my teeth. She looked cold, without so much as a sweater to cover her bare arms, but it did seem to be a small problem compared to whatever it was clouding her thoughts. Gulping, I inhaled a sharp breath and decided to begin my New Year's resolution early.

Silently, I walked up behind her, dropping my coat from my shoulders as I did. Standing behind her now, I draped it over her back. Immediately, she gasped and jumped to her feet, swiveling around to stare at me, the jacket barely clinging to her small body. Our eyes met and I could see she had been crying. Puffy cheeks, eyes rimmed in red, flushed complexion and dried lips. On top of that, she sniffled once, her entire body trembling as she looked at me. I attempted a smile. She seemed remarkably unaffected.

"Konnichi'wa, Odango Atama." Her brow furrowed, and I could see her tongue already forming a similar insult, but I raised my hand quickly to silence her, the bench still forming a barrier between us. "Gomen, Usagi-chan. Old habits die hard." I could see her gulp, unconsciously pulling the coat farther around her arms.

"Mamoru-baka, what are you doing here?" Her voice was quiet, near lifeless, with only the hint of a spark within it. I shrugged, lifting my eyes to stare at a few tall trees standing behind her.

"I was on my way home when I saw you sitting there. You looked cold, and lonely if I might say." Her lips twitched, not up nor down, just moved briefly and as my stare returned to her face, she looked down.

"Arigatou, but I'm fine."

"There was something else, too."

"Hm?"

"You forgot this at the arcade. Motoki told me to give it to you." I held out the notebook with the strange articles in it. Her dark blue eyes took on the palest hints of azure--the shade her gaze normally resided in.

"Oh, domo arigatou! I didn't even realize it was missing!" Quickly, it was gone from my grasp and I shoved my hand into my pocket. I watched her flip through the pages absently, before her stare raised again to mine. I let a smile drift over my lips and saw her eyes widen as the covers of the book slammed shut. She licked her lips momentarily, letting her shoulders sag before looking up at me with slight fear in her gaze. "I do appreciate this. But… I think I should probably be getting home. It is rather cold out and my parents will be worried."

I nodded, watching as she slowly turned on her heels to head down the muddy brown trails of the park. She stopped suddenly, squealing with surprise, before turning to me and beginning to slip the coat off of of her shoulders. "I suppose you probably want this ba…"

Holding up my hand, I shake my head forcefully. "No, you keep it for now. It's a short walk back to my apartment, and I have long sleeves. You'll need it more." Before she could protest, I turned in the opposite direction and began walking home, never so much as feeling the winter air on my skin. Inside, I couldn't wait until I got my coat back.

I knew it would smell like her.

...........

**Motoki**

Generally when the small gold bells hanging from the door handle at the front of the arcade jingle, I ignore them. In fact, the only times I ever look up to see who has entered my work place, I see either Mamoru, my best friend, or Usagi, a very sweet girl who Mamoru happens to be in love with. And so when I felt the urge to look upward from the newspaper comics at the familiar chimes, I knew to expect one or the other. I was not surprised to see knee-length golden hair belonging to a short, quite charming and lovely girl with a fair complexion. However, the pouting frown on her lips did shock me. She wore the same expression on her face as she had every day that week. Maybe I should have started expecting that as well, but it still refused to fit her. Usagi was not the type to sulk around, or even to cry due to a REAL cause. That was the light everyone, including Mamoru and myself, saw in her. Her never ending ability to smile, laugh, play, and love everything around her.

Letting a sigh escape my lips, I let my ankles fall from the counter they had rested upon and I poured an extra tall, extra chocolatey milkshake, before strolling to the girl as she slid into an empty booth near the back. Again she did not bounce to the counter, chattering like a chipmunk, and again I knew I wouldn't be able to gain any information on her sadness by talking to her. She was being so secretive about it, another trait much unlike the girl. It wasn't how she generally solved her problems. Instead, she would talk it out with someone, either the cause or any person who could comfort her or give advice. I'm almost proud to admit she generally came to me. But all that had changed since the holiday season had begun. And I didn't have the slightest clue why.

Setting the beverage down on the table, I saw her look down on it, before raising her expecting eyes to mine.

"Konnichi'wa, Usagi-chan! This one's on the house, just the way you like it too, with extra chocolate!" I flashed my most happy-go- lucky smile, waiting for her to take the bate, but instead, she only forced a small tilt on her lips and pushed the glass away.

"Arigatou, Motoki-onii-san. Demo… I'm not very hungry. Gomen ne." I furrowed my brow, setting my hands on my hips as she turned to look out the window as she had been moments before. Pursing my lips, I slipped into the bench across the table from her, folding my arms on the counter top.

"Usagi-chan," I whispered helplessly, urging her to answer my questions before I even asked them. I watched her face carefully, but her gaze only lowered momentarily, before she turned to me, another forced smile.

"Hai, Onii-san?"

I groaned inwardly, rubbing at one temple. "What's wrong? You've been acting like this for a week now. I'm really starting to get worried about you. Have you been to the hospital?"

Her face turned sour and again she turned away, looking down at her hands folded in her lap. "Please, don't worry about me. I'm fine, really. Just… hasn't… been my year, I guess."

I raised an eyebrow, letting my head collapse into one palm. "Year? Why do you say that?"

She shrugged, shaking her head. "Nothing. Please, don't worry about it. Look, I should really go. Thank you for the shake. Oh, before I forget, do you think you could give this to Mamoru-baka when you see him, please? He leant it to me yesterday." I raised one eyebrow, taking the familiar green jacket from her grasp as she held it out to me. "Yeah, sure. Hey, Usagi-chan, wait! Before you go, I was wondering if you'd like to go out with my girlfriend and I? Oh, and Mamoru, too. We're going dancing tonight, and… well, Mamoru doesn't have a date. Not that you would be his, but it would just… you know, be fun. And it would be good for you, too, to come be with your friends."

Her mouth dropped open, but before she could reply, I raised my hand forcefully. "And I won't take no for an answer."

Instantly her mouth closed, and her stare turned icy for only a moment, before once again the sullen pity resumed. "Alright, I suppose."

"Great. We'll pick you up at 7:00. I'll see you then!"

She nodded silently before trudging out the doors. I listened to the last rings of the bells before picking up an untouched, extra tall, extra chocolatey milkshake, and returning to behind the counter, my spirits dampened.

..........

**Mamoru**

I've never been much of a social person. Don't bother asking me how I ended up with a friend like Motoki, who is always outgoing and cheerful. Honestly, meeting anyone new kind of unnerves me: wondering what they're thinking, if I'm doing everything right, if I should compliment them, or even if I should say anything at all. I'm not a huge fan of going out, either, even just with friends. But when Motoki invited be to go dancing with him and his girlfriend, soon to be fiancé, I decided that maybe it was time I loosened up. An entirely new year is about to start, not to mention an entirely new millennium. Maybe I could use a bit of excitement in my rather bland life. Besides, I do like the nightlife.

I was leaning up against a brick building, watching the cars whiz by on the dim street, listening to the heavy base from music within the dance club. I have a habit of being early, whereas Motoki is nearly always precisely on time. Reika, on the other hand, can be late on occasion. Maybe it balances out nicely, and it gives me time to think before jumping into a night full of… fun. Ha, this would be interesting.

With that thought, a familiar blue sports car pulled up to valet parking. It was a nice car, no dings or scratches, and fairly new when he bought it, too. Being the owner of a small business had done him well. Instantly, out stepped a head of short blonde hair and one of long burgundy. Motoki smiled at me and I waved, walking over to him just as he reached for the handle on the back passenger seat and held out his hand. I slowed my pace, furrowing my brow, as another girl arose gracefully from the car. My eyes widened as she looked up with twinkling eyes, though no smile adorned her young features.

"Odango?" I asked speculatively. Instantly, she turned to me, blinking a few times, and I allowed my eyes to sweep over her quickly, hoping she hadn't noticed.

She wore a knee-length royal blue skirt and a plain white tank top, with simple sapphire jewelry, blue dress shoes with low heels, and her hair in familiar odangos, glittering gold in the orange street light.

"Eh… konban'wa, Mamoru-san," she whispered kindly, nodding her head. I forced a smile.

"Konban'. I wasn't informed you would be joining us." My gaze rose to Motoki, who only smiled innocently back. Turning back to her, I ignored my rapidly beating heart as she blushed and turned to look at the entrance to the club.

"I'm sorry, I hope I won't be a bother. But Motoki-onii-san invited me and…"

"And I'm very glad you could join us," I shushed her immediately, watching her eyes widen and cheeks flame up, directly prior to a frail smile.

"Well, let's get inside, shall we? It's awfully chilly out here!" said Motoki with chipper delight in his voice. He laced arms with Reika and pulled her hurriedly toward the entrance. Usagi followed and I tagged along momentarily, before holding out my elbow and she took it with shy wonderment.

Inside it was warm. That was the first thought to really register, with the sudden impact of a tidal wave of heat. Next I noticed bright, iridescent colors shimmering along the pitch night blacks and glowing whites. A heavy smell of too many colognes and perfumes washed my senses and loud music, mostly just base, thronged in my eardrums. Usagi unknowingly tightened her arm around mine as we began searching for a table somewhere near the back. It was impossible to find and so we ended up at a booth with extremely high backs on the benches and a small round table in front of us, about forty or so feet from the stage. Motoki and Reika seemed to be enjoying the atmosphere immensely, whereas Usagi was a little more wary, her eyes darting back and forth to try and understand the commotion.

Me? I was just trying to keep up appearances in from of my Usako. Almost instantly, a waitress in a short dress came and asked us if we wanted drinks, in which we ordered an array of soda pops, and water for yours truly. Within moments, Motoki and Reika had deserted Usagi and I at the table, to head onto the dance floor without nearly so much as a goodbye. I only sighed, watching them go, before turning to look at the girl beside me. Her lips were pursed together, staring into a glass full of Coca-Cola. Fingers barely clung to the tip of the straw as she stirred it, seemingly memorized by the floating ice.

I frowned, analyzing the same depressed mug on her face as I had seen just the evening before. Far away looks and loneliness echoing in her fatigued gaze. She seemed oblivious to my company, which almost hurt, to be truthful, but the worry sinking in my heart stung more than such a petty thought.

"Eh… Usagi-chan… So… how are you?"

She shrugged, releasing her hold on the straw. Her hands folded in her lap and she raised her gaze to mine. "Fine. You?"

My frown deepened and I tilted my head to the side. "Good, good," I whispered, before inhaling a sharp breath through my teeth and turning as much as I could to face her. "Usagi-chan… Look, I know it's none of my business, but… but you've been acting really different lately, and… everyone's worried about you. Motoki and the girls… and me…" Her gaze dropped.

"Mamoru-san, really, I'm fine."

I reached my hand forward and turn her face back to me. "Usagi, you don't have to tell me what's bothering you. Like I said, it's none of my business anyway, but… but if you need to talk, I will be here for you. I hope you know that."

She gulped unsteadily, nodding her head. "Arigatou."

I tried to smile, not really sure how good a job I did, before turning away to look out over the dance floor.

"If you'll excuse me."

"Hm?" I turned again to see Usagi sliding from the booth quietly.

"I need to use the restroom," she mumbled and walked quickly away. Frightened, I watch her go, wishing so much I knew how to reach out to her.

Maybe if I was more social.

Two girls asked me to dance while my Odango was gone, and I refused them both, shrugging with a mumbled 'Iie, arigatou', before turning back to my water. Well, now it was only melting ice. My eyes remained locked on the direction she had left, waiting to see her through the crowd. It was a shame she was so short. I decided that when she returned I would ask her to dance, and refuse to let HER refuse. It was nearly a new year, after all, things had to start changing between us, or I would go insane.

With these thoughts turning over inside of my head, I finally saw two golden balls appear in the crowd and come walking slowly toward me. Her head was lowered and I frowned, again. What could possibly be bothering her?

Inhaling sharply, and downing a couple ice cubes, I stood and walked quickly in her direction. My heart was burning within me, jumping around like Mexican jumping beans, sporadically, unwillingly. My mind replayed the familiar daydream in my mind. Walk up to her, tie my right arm around her slim waist, catch her other hand in my own and pull her into my body with a charming smile to sweep her off her feet.

Usako didn't notice me until my right arm was around her slim waist, and then she looked up with sudden shock, staring into my eyes as I grabbed her hand and pulled her close. She gasped, her azure gaze widening tremendously, and yet put forth no attempt to escape my embrace.

"Shall we dance?" I whispered, dropping my voice down to a low, husky whisper.

Her lips, slightly open, squeaked quietly and I let a grin overcome my attempted seduction. Stepping backwards, I led us onto the dance floor, never letting her stare drop from mine, before we began turning around in slow circles. Eventually, she did turn away, her breath ragged, I could tell. But she remained close to me, and when I found the remaining courage I brought our bodies closer, so much that I could feel every curve of her body against me. Leaning down, I rested my chin on her hair and she automatically let her head fall against my shoulder.

Finally, My Odango Atama. We are so different, and all of our conversations end in arguments. So maybe we weren't made for each other. Maybe we aren't supposed to be together. But if I believed that, would this feel so right?

Lowering my head, I felt my lips unintentionally brush against her forehead, and they opened so slightly as I felt a soft moan rise up in my throat. I stifled it forcefully, barely tightening my hold around her fragile hand.

"Usa-chan…"

For a moment I thought I could feel her trembling and, opening my eyes, I looked down to see her head facing toward the ground. Indeed, her entire body was shaking uncontrollably and I couldn't hide the loud gasp. "Usagi-chan, are you alright?" On instinct, I raised her face to look at me, only to see damp blue eyes and flushed cheeks. My mouth dropped.

"Usako, you're crying," I whispered, my heartbeat quickening to rapid speeds. She seemed to still for a moment and I realized the use of her nickname. "G… gomen, Usagi-chan… demo… what's wrong? What is it? Did I do something?"

She continued to tremble, gulping a few times as a single tear deserted her eyes, immune to life surrounding them. "Never…" she finally managed to choke out and I creased my brow unwillingly, straining to hear her above the loud music. "You could never… not the way I want… Ma… moru… Mamo…" Her head dropped and I detected a loud sob, before she turned her gaze to mine once more before I could even begin to comfort her. "Gomen nasai! But it hurts too much!"

And turning, she left me standing on the dance floor. Alone. 

............

**Usagi**

The cold air stung in contrast to the warmth from inside, but it was refreshing at the same time and I could feel a great pain rise up from my chest as I exhaled truly for the first time in what seemed to be hours. How long had we been dancing? Only about ten minutes or so. Goodness, it felt so good. In a man's arms, for the first time. Dancing, like in the movies. Why did it have to be Mamoru? I dream for years about feeling that way, just like that, and when it happens I'm in the embrace of a man, easily four years my elder. Mature and intelligent, who couldn't possibly be my prince charming. We have nothing in common, anyway. And he hates me, or at least I thought he did.

Groaning, I walked a little ways down the sidewalk, rubbing my hands over my arms to ward off the cold. Then, I feel a heavy cloth over my shoulders, smell the scent of strong cologne, and hear a deep, beyond romantic voice behind me.

"Seems familiar, doesn't it?"

Chewing my lip, I gulped, hesitantly pulling the jacket over my shoulders, before turning around. He looked so serene, his hands casually in his pockets, the white shirt blowing around the fine build with winter breezes. Gulping, I turned away from the analyzing stare, stringing my arms through the sleeves of a large green jacket. It hung down nearly to my knees, and yet felt just as warm as it had yesterday, and even more protective now.

"Usagi, what happened in there?"

His voice was demanding, almost cold, and yet with a caring hint that made my knees shake. "Mamoru-baka, gomen nasai. I'm sure I've completely ruined your night. But… right now, I think I just want to get home. Please, it's not far from here and I can just walk if you want to stay." My legs didn't move at first, but slowly, I nodded as if he had agreed, and turned to leave.

Not two steps into the future, I felt two very warm, very strong arms surround me. Gasping, I fell unwillingly into his body, standing unbelievably still as I felt his breath against my cheek and his chin on my shoulder.

"Usa, Please tell me what's wrong. I beg you. You're driving me insane, wondering what's bothering you. What made you so sad. I know you may not believe this, but I do care about you very, very much. And lately, you've been so distant. You don't want to be with your friends. You never laugh. You don't even yell back at me when I call you Odango Atama anymore. Usagi-chan, please, if there is anything in your life that I can help you with or that you just want to get off your chest, please tell me. Before I go ballistic worrying about you."

I could feel my legs wobbling beneath my body, and gave up the strength holding my composure, sinking down into his embrace. "Baka," I whispered, feeling his arms tighten around me. I could feel his heartbeat through the material of the jacket. Slowly, I felt warm tears trailing down my cheeks and could not reach up to brush them away. My arms were locked down at my sides and I felt vulnerable, and yet strangely protected.

"Onegai," he whispered, and I sensed the light touch of a kiss against my temple. A loud sob choked my throat and my head collapsed, before I was turned around and buried in the material of his shirt. I whimpered and cried, whimpered, sobbed, and cried some more. All the while he held me, pressing one firm hand at the base of my neck, the other on my back. Occasionally I heard him say my name, or variations. "Usa, Usagi, Usako," even "Odango," and I felt comfort in the name that I despised for so long.

My sobs began to subside, but his hold only loosened when I began to pull away, refusing to make eye contact with my protector. Mamoru--Protector--it fits.

"Usagi? Onegai?"

Gulping, I nodded my head, looking up at a cloud-covered sky. Licking my lips, I stood still searching for the words, and only relaxed when I was once again swept into his hold. "Today is New Year's Eve, about to begin a whole new year, a whole new decade, century, and millennium even. It seems very unreal."

"True," he murmured, urging me to continue.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "There's a superstition that says if you kiss someone at exactly midnight on New Year's eve, you'll be happy with that person for the rest of the year. I know it sounds silly..." I pursed my lips together and lowered my head, once again seeking consolation against his chest.

"But you want someone to be with tonight?" he whispered into my ear and I let another sigh escape, nodding my head. There is a long silence, and then a finger begins tracing down my back in abstract designs. "It's not silly at all. You have so many close friends, and a warm, loving family, I guess I never really thought that you would be yearning for a lover still. Trust me, I know what it's like to be alone, and it's not silly at all to want something more. In fact, I know exactly how you feel."

Gulping, I nodded my head, feeling a tiny smile creep over my lips. "Arigatou, Mamoru-san. That helps."

He laughed wryly, squeezing my body for a brief moment before pulling away. He tilted my chin up with the knuckle of his finger and smiled down on me. "I doubt that. I didn't really solve your problem. Just know that you're not alone, okay?"

I nodded, not bothering to protest the fact that he DID help, contrary to his beliefs.

"You ready to go back inside then? I hear they're about to start karaoke."

An unhidden giggle left my lips and he took it as a yes.

Slowly, we headed back to the dance club, his arm around my waist, protectively, maybe even selfishly. It seemed warmer than the pulsing air within the club.

...............

**Mamoru**

Upon entering the large room, we saw that the dance floor has been cleared, most people now sitting in booths or tables, and many at the bar in the back. I led Usako to our prior booth, finding Motoki and Reika sitting in a loving conversation. I sighed, facing the inevitable for having to break them from their reverie, and slid into the booth, next to Motoki, as Usagi moved in beside his girlfriend.

"Welcome back!" Motoki joked, his eyes moving from Reika's to mine, a hint of mischief on his lips. I frowned at him, wondering briefly what he thought we were doing, before a speaker stood on stage and announced the start of the karaoke hour. Some people in the audience cheered, while others groaned. I just watched on in quiet amusement.

They began calling on pre-signed up contenders one by one to perform their songs. Some Shannon girl sang Backstreet Boys, while a blue-haired rocker, I think his name was Sid, did a takeoff on Korn: both American bands. Some were good, some were awful, but most of all, it was just plain fun. Taking a sideways glance at Usagi every now and then, I watched to see her smile. It wasn't full of happiness and vivaciousness like I had hoped, but it was most definitely an improvement. 

"Next: Chiba Mamoru!"

"Huh?" Instantly, Motoki broke into loud, obviously held-back laughter. I turned to stare at him in shock, but he only laughed louder. "You didn't!"

"Go on, Mamoru-kun, they're waiting!" Reika taunted as I simply stared in shock. For a moment I turned to Usagi. She appeared to be hiding laughter as well, but the second I cast a stone-cold gaze upon her, she stiffened and turned away. Moaning, I gave my best friend a most threatening glance, before steadily walking up to the stage. By this time they had already called my name twice more, and seemed quite relieved as I came strolling up.

"You wanted to do 'You Go to My Head'?"

"'You Go to My Head'?"

"The remake or the original?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Rod Stewart's remake is popular right now, but Sinatra's version is better known."

"The remake of what?"

"'You Go to My Head'! Come on, you're the one who chose the song!"

"What are you…"

"Here's your mic, get on the stage!"

Confused and a little ticked, I found myself being turned away from the DJ's table and pushed onto a small black platform. Gulping, I looked out over the crowd, mostly silent now except for occasional chitchat between friends and dates. I gulped, glaring at my 'best friend' once again as three girls in the front row began to bat their eyelashes in that annoying manner they do.

I didn't have much time to contemplate this before the music came on and I gasped, shooting knives at Motoki yet again. They were playing a sappy romance song?! He knows I'm a horrid singer! Ugh, how do I get myself into these things? Ah well, at least I DO know the lyrics. Lucky me.

You go to my head  
And you linger like a haunting refrain  
And I find you spinning 'round in my brain  
Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne

You go to my head  
Like a sip of sparkling Burgundy brew  
And I find the very mention of you  
Like the kicker in a julep or two

The thrill of the thought  
That you might give a thought to my plea  
Cast a spell over me  
Still I say to myself,  
"Get a hold of yourself.  
Can't you see that it never can be?"

Miraculously, people seemed to be enjoying this. And the words, I'd never really listened to them before, I guess. But they worked. 

You go to my head  
With a smile that makes my temperature rise  
Like a summer with a thousand Julys  
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes

Though I'm certain that this heart of mine  
Hasn't a ghost of a chance  
In this crazy romance,  
You go to my head

Looking to the side, I could see Usagi in the booth, laughing her head off. I clenched my teeth, squinting my eyes as a most devilish thought came into mind. Still holding the microphone in one hand, I became grateful it was a cordless and began to head down into the crowd, straight toward her as people watched me pass. Her eyes widened tremendously when she saw me coming, the laughter hushed. 

The thrill of the thought  
That you might give a thought to my plea  
Cast a spell over me  
Still I say to myself,  
"Get a hold of yourself.  
Can't you see that it never can be?"  


  
Taking her hand into mine, I watched her cheeks flush red as she turned to look out over the audience in silent fear, before turning in shock back to me. She looked awfully terrified, before giggles filtered up again. I fell to my knee, watching her face as a lover would. 

You go to my head  
With a smile that makes my temperature rise  
Like a summer with a thousand Julys  
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes

Though I'm certain that this heart of mine  
Hasn't a ghost of a chance  
In this crazy romance,  
You go to my head

Hopping to my feet again, I winked at her, before heading back to the stage during the fadeout. 

You go to my head  
You go to my head  
You go to my head

As the song ended, I vowed that Motoki would get a black eye for this one.

Finally they told me I could leave, so inhaling sharply, I whisked myself back to the booth, nodding politely at the congratulations and high fives I got from the crowd. Gulping, I finally slid into sanctuary, feeling Motoki hit me hard on the back in congratulations. I only glared. Turning to see Usagi, I saw her still with a bright red flush on her cheeks, staring at me, her lips turned into a sweet, nervous smile. I can't help but laugh in remembrance.

"Next, we will have Furuhata Motoki, performing Aretha Franklin's R-E-S-P-E-C-T!"

My following smile was purely evil, I'm sure.

.............

Motoki made the crowd laugh, then came back to the booth and hit me firmly on the head, only doubling my enjoyment. There was about another twenty minutes of karaoke and they announced the winner, some girls named Judy and Mary who had sung a bit of J-Pop. There was more dancing, in which case I managed to snag quite a few dances, quick, to my disappointment, with Usako. Since our talk, she did seem to be enjoying herself more, and slowly I could see the familiar life filter into her eyes. However, sadly, she continually pushed it back with some scared realization.

I began to notice that when we danced, or talked, or so much as looked at each other, she would get this hopeful little smile, then push it back so drastically I would wonder if I had done something wrong. Knowledgeable, yet scared to dream, I hoped that she was beginning to see something more in me. Suddenly, my heartbeat was counting down to midnight, wondering, imagining, if maybe I could be the one to kiss her tonight.

At a quarter 'til, they announced the countdown to the millennium and put up a giant digital clock above the stage. We heard Prince's infamous song once, then a slower carol, "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve," in which case I coaxed Usa onto the dance floor and buried her in my arms.

Five minutes and I still couldn't decide what to do. Tell her how I feel, risk my heart and hopes, or become her friend only, set to loving her tomorrow.

As the clock counted down backwards, I watched her face, growing darker with every moment. We were still standing on the dance floor, Reika and Motoki beside us, calmly holding hands and smiling. Some men were passing out handfuls of glitter and confetti to the excited audience as we waited.

Two minutes. Usagi turned away from the clock, sighing and looking over her shoulder to gaze at the closed doors of the club. She blinked a few times, but I still noticed a single tear begin down her cheek before she brushed it away. Instantly, she looked up at me, possibly to see if I had noticed. I forced a smile, running one finger lightly down her cheek. Bending close, I whispered in her ear, "We can leave if you like."

She shook her head sadly, "Iie."

One minute in counting and the crowd began to count down from 59, but at 53 they stop, annoyed.

Her lips were pursed together, and every now and then I see her eyes dart to look up at me. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it and turned away. I gulped, reaching for her hand to hold in mine. When our stares met, I smiled. She returned the look.

"Mamoru-san?"

"Hm?" We were practically yelling above the chattering of the crowd.

"Why don't you have anyone to be with tonight?"

I stared down on her curiously, before lowering my gaze with a small smile. "Because there's a girl I'm in love with, and I want to kiss HER, and only her, tonight." Looking up again, I see her emotionless face slowly turn to despair, and she turned back to the clock. I quirked an eyebrow. I could have sworn that that was jealousy flickering through her gaze.

"TEN!"

"NINE!"

"EIGHT!"

"SEVEN!"

"Usagi-chan?"

"Hai?" She looked up at me again.

"Can I call you Usako from now on? It's… eh… better than Odango Atama, I think."

Her gasp was more than shocked, but her lips closed again and she shrugged, blushing. "I suppose." Frowning in confusion, she turned back to the clock.

"SIX!"

"FIVE!"

"FOUR!"

"Usako?"

"Hai?" Again, our eyes met.

"Can I…" I cease my sentence, staring into bewildered blue eyes.

"THREE!"

"TWO!"

Drawing in a sharp breath, I cup her cheek in my right hand and, before she could protest, leaned down and pulled her lips to mine.

"ONE!"

"Happy New Year!"

The screams and hollers collided around us but died at the entrance to my ears as I drew the taste from her lips. She was frozen, and yet, with tauntingly gradual movements, she relaxed, sliding her hands over my chest to rest on my shoulders. She even began to return the kiss, I soon believed, and I unconsciously leaned farther into her, luring her fragile curves against my body, feeling a heat rise in me that I never believed I would someday feel. She never made any move to pull away, and so eventually I was forced to pry myself away from the girl, waiting momentarily to open my eyes.

When I did, I saw a dazed angel with sparkling colors falling around her like rain made from rainbows. Her eyes fluttered open, her lips parted, as I had left them. She blinked, astonished, and I licked my lips and gulped nervously.

"Usako," I muttered, feeling the word catch in my throat. She continued to blink, her hands still rested on my shoulders.

Deliberately, her gaze darted down, and before I could lift it up again, she moved her arms over my shoulders and brought her body to mine, her head resting on my shoulder.

"Mamoru," she whimpered, and I felt her breath against my ear, shuddering quietly.

"Usako, if you kiss someone at exactly midnight on New Year's eve, they say you'll be happy with that person for the rest of the year. So, do you think that we... that we'll be happy together the rest of the millennium? The rest of our lives?" I whispered, choking on the words. Her arms strained tighter around my neck, shaking uncontrollably. I raised one hand to press at the base of her head, and slowly drew away just enough to look at her face. She was crying, her eyes staring up at the large digital clock, now counting the seconds into the new year.

"Baka," she whispered carefully, slowly. I reached my free hand, weak fingers, up to brush away the tears that flowed. Her gaze closed, her lips opened. "Hai. onegai, Mamo-chan. I want to be with you. I didn't know until this night. But I do, so much. You make me smile. Even when I feel like dying inside. Onegai, Mamo-chan."

I let out a long, yearning sigh, and embraced her in a powering hug, letting my face touch hers.

"Usako, I have been dreaming of this for months. Of being so close to you, now." I paused, bringing her even closer to me, with nervousness filtering into my veins. "Happy New Year. And... you don't have to say this back, demo... ai... aishiteru, Usako."

She gasped, her fingers digging into the back of my shirt. Already I listened to the joyful yells of the party quieting to more personal celebrations, and so I could hear perfectly the loving words whispered into my ear.

"Happy New Year, Mamo-chan. And aishiteru."

.........

Fin!

Tell me what you think!  
God bless!  
<3 AKB 


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